Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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