her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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