No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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