just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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