I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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