u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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