just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I had your ass I would rule the world