So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
