Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
