just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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