I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
