no, he came in my armpit
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
