you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
