yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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