How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
