we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
