She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
