Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
