i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
