Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
