Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
