I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
