he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
