Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
