sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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