One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
