Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
