Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
