hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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