she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
