I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love having hate sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
