you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
