if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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