You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
