I'm lost and stupid without you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
