There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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