I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
