if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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