Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's Friday. Sex?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
