you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
