You really coming over, don't trick.
Sry I called you an 8
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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