I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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