i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
