HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
