her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
