just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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