I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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