ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
