Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
