This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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