its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
