Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
