I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
