I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
