Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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