just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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