so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
