haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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