R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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