There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
