I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
