I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
