no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
