I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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