the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
