with your own penis?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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