i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
