Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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