Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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