Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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