Already got asked if we're dating
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
