It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
