Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
