I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
too bad you live with your parents still
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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